In high school, I weighted 100 lbs (average.) And everyday, I felt bad about myself. My self-esteem was at it's lowest point, particularly in my junior and senior years (and well into college.) I looked in the mirror and saw, maybe not a fat cow, but not an under-weight, skinny Minnie. I felt average, boring, at times ugly. I struggled with deep depression, violent mood swings, and what I now understand to be anxiety disorder. I don't remember ever trying to not eat or make myself skinnier but I do recall an unhealthy diet for most young adult life. Oddly, I can't think of one fond memory from those days when I thought of myself as truly pretty. Of course, I was on a fast train to self-destruction at that point in my life.
This morning, on Monday March 7, 2001, I weighted 144 lbs. And I feel more beautiful and happy and confident now then I ever did back then. Yes, some days I feel a kinda bloated or maybe a little too curvaceous but I still feel more attractive now than when I weighted the same as your average 7th grader. Crazy, huh?!
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